i was sick and tired but now i am delusional

And why you might benefit from purging any modicum of doubt and betting on yourself.

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I have been plagued with doubt.

No matter what I decided to do—I'd be filled with it. I was a shy child. I was a shy, depressed teenager. I have been a shy adult.

Wait… that’s not quite right. I was shy, but only because I doubted everything I did. Was this the right thing to do? What do they think of me? Is my haircut bad? The questions followed every action.

I wasn’t just shy—I was seeking to be invisible. I withdrew from relations and challenges. I was resigned to things as they were. Anything I set my mind to I had lost before I started.

My mindset wasn’t to thrive, it was to simply survive.

Photo by mahamudul hasan on Unsplash.

And it got me nowhere

Surprise.

Living life as if you have no chance is not productive. It’s not pragmatic. It just makes it harder to commit. There’s more to life than that. There has to be.

The answer is to become delusional.

All the worst times in my life have been because of doubt; when I let go of the delusion that I had already won, or, at least, that I had a chance to win.

So now, I am delusional. I am delusional that I actually have something to offer. That I am more than a ghost. Eventually, it becomes true, right?

This delusion is by no means that I can do it all. In fact, I can’t do most things—I’m very aware of that. This delusion is targeted. I have already won at what I set my mind to. This delusion is that I have the capacity to rise to the challenge. To keep trying, break through, and force the delusion to cease.

I’ve already decided.

I see the vision.

All that is left is to reach out and take it.

Photo by David Monje on Unsplash.

And in those rare moments, where the delusion falters and I stumble, when I take a risk, fall and taste the dirt, it’ll become even clearer. The failures are but roadblocks to what lies in store.

I demand nothing; but I want it all.

There’s people out there doing incredible things, in all facets of life. Winners. When I look upon one of these winners, a single question swirls around in my mind.

Why the fuck can’t it be me?

I’ve pondered that question a lot in my life, and I’ve only ever been able to come to one conclusion:

There’s absolutely zero reason it can’t be me. And there’s zero reason it can’t be you, either. Join me, and go on the journey to finding success in what excites you.

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